Learning to Walk Again

This isn't something I talk about a lot, but after having been convinced it was worth sharing, I have been opening up more about it.

I have mentioned publically elsewhere that I have RA [retrograde amnesia]. The same thing that caused that also stripped away my ability to walk without an assistive device. I had to use a cane [needed a walker, but stubbornly resisted] in order to barely wobble around my home, a few steps at a time, and a wheelchair or electric mobility scooter when I left my home. My mobility was declining rapidly, as was my overall health. I was told to "accept" it and make plans for my future in an assisted living facility. I was told at the rate I was deteriorating I would shortly be completely unable to walk and be virtually bedridden. I was told that was to be my future. I disagreed.

It wasn't because it was something I didn't want to hear. It was because something inside me told me it was wrong; that my life was not supposed to follow that path-there was something else out there and it did not involve me being an invalid.

I am a prayerful person and though I was not sure if it was just me or if it was really God, the impression I got was that the doctor was wrong and I would walk again . . and see improved health. So, I took another path. I had to rehab my legs myself since I was being "stubborn and stupid" about the whole thing and I stopped all medical treatment [western medicine] in lieu of experimenting with whatever alternative therapies I could find that had something solid or of merit to make them worth trying [i.e. not just hype and a good sales pitch].

 Now, 13 years later, I walk independently and for distances, too. It took a long time, with much of that time spent "eating asphalt" as my legs would wobble and give out from under me as I worked my way up from being able to take only a few steps to now being able to comfortably walk more than 2 miles and with no leg wobbling.

I have had a lot of setbacks along the way; some so devastating I was taken back to virtually square one. It was frustrating, painful, grueling, and oftentimes seemed hopeless. I hit many plateaus that seemed to last forever-plateaus that left me wondering if that was as good as it was gonna get and if perhaps I needed to rein in my tendencies to "dream big" and "push the envelope" in order to just accept the reality that where I was, was where I was going to stay.

Something in me just couldn't "settle". I had to push harder. I had to go further. I had to see just what it was I could really do. Being "stubborn and stupid" is a plus, for that reason, I believe, because I did go further and I keep doing so. Every step is a miracle and every time I go walking [almost daily and 1 mile minimum] I feel overwhelmed with joy and gratitude for something most people take for granted: the ability to put one foot in front of another and not fall down. The ability to have the independence and freedom that being able to walk brings.

I used to do [25 mile] charity walks before I could no longer walk and now, I will be participating in a 5K charity walk in September-my first distance walk and my first charity walk in many years! [I am SO excited!] I am not quite up to 3+ miles yet, but I am working on it and am quite sure I will be there before the walk. Even if I am not; even if I have to drag myself, barrel roll or crawl over the finish line, I will be finishing it. In the Spring I want to to do a 10K [just over 6 miles], so I have a lot of work to do in the months ahead in order to double my distance [from the 3 miles I expect to be able to do in Sept].

Some suggest that is pushing too hard, too fast. As for my thoughts, well, I see no good reason why I can't accomplish the goal. And, there I go, being stubborn and stupid again. ;-)

The moral of this story ties in with a quote from Gandhi, which I will paraphrase: "If you know you are right, take a stand even if you stand alone." Don't let others tell you what you can't do when you know its something you can. Even when yours is the lone voice saying the impossible is possible.

Because sometimes, the impossible really is possilbe. I'm living proof.